The weeping place is where I go when I lose my way.
In deepest sorrow shared there comes a knowing – that there is a greater deeper wider timeless power that holds all suffering within its breadth and depth and is not diminished.
The suffering mixes like compost – what is lost – into the rich procreative soil of what is,
the rain of doubt washes away ego’s vain attempts to claim control or credit,
the winds bring seeds of hope from unexpected places,
and the joy of the sun’s warmth urges tickles of laughter out into the open.
To recall the everflowing spinal fluid of creation’s gifting,
to gather the opposites of left and right hemispheres to meet in those sweet spots of possibilities emerging
is to do the work of pushing through disbelief, disorder, discouragements I carry from past failures (that were really only good tries – waiting for a friend’s help to try again).
I can be my own best friend. When honesty demands a good look in the mirror. When the list of inadequacies, mistakes and miscues grows as long as the longest night. I am the one who can say to the dark “Yes – but.”
The “Yes” is the invitation for those ugly thoughts to come and dance. And as they come and dance around the sacred fire I’ve built for this ceremony – they lose the fearful shadowed power I give them when I push them away into dark corners. In the firelight of the dance I ask them “what gift do you bring to offer?”
So the “but” becomes the private joke I make – learning to laugh at this trickster’s attempt to turn my most awful shames into impassable boulders on the path – when they really are painful pebbles in my shoes.
In this dance of serious hilarious humility I grow large – so much larger than those pebbled boulders. Standing on the shoulders of ancestor’s work I see what really matters. Stretching my arms wide enough to embrace both past and future i bring it all into the here of today’s to dos. Spinning with the earth’s turning the divine imagination infuses what I offer with the knowing that this same green growing tall energy in me is within the canopy of a jungle forest ecosystem where I am rooted and never – no never – alone.
You know you are on the way – on the path that you were invited to walk when born – when these days of doubt arrive.
Distracted, disordered, discombobulated – I go to the weeping place. In good company I sit with those who endure the worst. Listening I discover what it takes to stand tall once more in the company of great-grandparents gone – who wait for us on the way.
three brothers falls, October 30th, 2015